THINGS WE LIKED BEFORE THEY WERE COOL

“I’ve been thinking,” mused Brandon from deep in his high-backed leather chair. He stared at the dwindling fire before continuing. David waited patiently, stirring his tea in small, slow circles. “It seems like so many things we used to like are now considered…what do they say these days? Cool?” David nodded a little, careful not to spill his drink. “I remember a time when we were mocked and shunned for those things we liked. Now they’re mainstream and accepted and revered. What does this say about us?” A sigh before continuing. “Really, what does this say about society?”

Brandon straightened up in his chair, smoothing out the lapels of his jacket. “Take video games, for instance. I remember when I was younger I would while away the hours with my friends the Atari and Intellivision. These gave way to the NES, the Genesis, on and on. Those were days when video games were the domain of the nerds, the very hobby of the misfit. I eschewed the idea of sport as a filler of free time. Now they’re all the…hmm…rage, I suppose. What with the PS3s and 360s and such, it’s suddenly…I use the word again…cool to be into such things. It confounds me.” David nods again, his features tight with concentration. It seemed he agreed.

Indeed. Equally perplexed, David contemplated adding tight-rolled acid washed jeans as a further example, but after brief consideration felt doing so would cheapen the significance of dear Brandon’s example. Another sip of the tea. Dreadful. An Earl Grey man his whole life, David was repulsed with his associate’s recent adoption of Green Tea. “Wonderful tea. Where do you buy this delightful concoction?” Hopefully David’s query would mask the obvious contortion forced onto his brow as he tried to swallow the vile fluid.

“It’s a secret I dare not share with you, my good man.”

Pleased with Brandon’s quick shoot-down, David rested the cup of revolting liquid on the ivory coaster. “I do remember being threatened with bodily injury by class bullies when I proclaimed my superiority at such classics as Missile Command and Battle Frogs. Had I a BFG at the time, I would have shown those primates what is what. And as you said, these things now seem to be hip. Then again, I guess such is to be expected of anything novel. Speaking of which,” David paused and feigned delight in another sip of the wretched tea, “Do you remember, as I do, being ridiculed for our gang, ‘The Kenmore Avenue Awesomes’? I distinctly recall being shamed for our desire to ‘represent our street’ and to ‘throw down’ with a good old fashioned game of Mortal Kombat when anyone local ’stepped up’ to us. More often than not, our lunch money was stolen despite our adamant threats to call the police.” The nostalgia was too much, and David felt his throat tightening up. He cleared it vigorously. “Now, it seems everyone is joining a gang, and there is no more honor associated with this once proud institution. NOTHING BUT HOODLUMS AND INGRATES WHO HAVE NO CONCEPT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND WOULD PREFER TO AXE THAN ASK A QUESTION.”

Brandon could tell David was unnerved. “Take a sip of your tea, and take a deep breath.”

David felt the smile that grew across Brandon’s face was one meant to be reassuring and calming. Brandon, of course, was not smiling to elicit a reaction but because he knew what exactly was in the cup from which David was drinking. It was green, to be sure, but it was not exactly tea. The smile faded as once more his thoughts returned to the subject at hand. Brandon plotted his next example carefully, as one would create a mental map of a minefield or if memorizing all of the flavors of Ben & Jerry’s. “It seems to me,” he finally said, “that there are more and more things catching on that I’ve always been party to.”

“Do continue,” David said, mouth puckering from the “tea.”

“As I think back, I know that I’ve always intentionally adhered to Newtonian theory with regard to attraction of objects with mass. Which is to say, I’ve always enjoyed and lived by the principles of gravitation and that force which instructs it, gravity.” Brandon sat back, proud of his example, causing his top hat to shift forward a bit as it hit the leather of his chair. David sipped again, his vision beginning to blur around the edges.

“Are you positing” asked David, “that gravity as a principle was roundly ignored or declined in the past and is only recently being universally applied?”

“Naturally,” replied Brandon. “It seemed like back on my ‘block’ in my ‘hood’, there would fops and roustabouts floating around, willy-nilly, while the more…forgive the pun…grounded of us would stride proudly from barber shop to barber shop, enjoying haircuts that were naturally offset by the very planet’s attraction to their mass. It was the truest of fools who enjoyed his daily tonsorial bloodletting without gravity, as it was all the messier in such cases. Now everyone walks or runs on the ground. You never hear stories anymore in which a child has taken a hopscotch jump and found themselves orbiting the moon. I suppose that’s a positive change, but that makes it no less relevant to my example. Besides, I see you utilizing gravity almost daily. I’m not sure why you have that look of pained confusion on your face. Or why your eyes are starting to cross. Although I admit that seems unrelated.”

David belched loudly in response. A mossy, swampy smell filled the area by the fire (the fire itself sparking and hissing as the vapor reached it). David’s eyes uncrossed at this expellation. Brandon looked satisfied and stroked his beard.

“I suppose such is the way of the world,” David continued. “Progressive minds, as we are, shall always be one step ahead of everyone else.” A slight grumble could be heard in David’s stomach, and Brandon, always attentive to details savored the returning anguish in David’s face as he lifted his cup and politely sipped the remaining “green tea” as a bead of sweat trickled down his brow. “Do you have any Alka Seltzer?”

“I’m afraid not, my friend.” Brandon said sympathetically. It took every bit of willpower Brandon could muster not to chuckle at David’s ever-sickening face. “Perhaps some more tea?”

“No. No, I am quite okay.” David removed his smoking jacket. “As I was saying, there are progressive minds, and then…” Again, a grumble, except this time it was far more audible. Brandon’s Persian kitten stirred. “Progressive minds, and…Oh, Dear God, I do need some air. Perhaps we could move this conversation to a more ventila…” A quick gurgle, and David’s eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Brandon tilted his head slightly and pondered whether poisoning David had been a bit excessive. David had been a gentleman, a scholar and indeed, he was a progressive thinker. Most of all, David had been a friend. But he had suggested one too many times, that L.L. Cool J’s “Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin)” would eventually be recognized as a classic. The fool. “Pleasant dreams, stupid,” Brandon guffawed as he lifted from his seat and into the air. “Now, for some Mega Man 2,” he said aloud as he floated out of the room.